Life is (shitty fucking ass wipe butt licker fag cunt turkey juice cum nuts testicles boobies grrrrr...) ok

Hey You... Wait

Im not waiting for you (from what I know). I am waiting though, for the same thing everyone is waiting for, something good, something different, something better.  Better than what we have now. There is just this giant rut that everyone is in- that I have fallen into and just cant escape, no matter how high I jump or how much I claw at the edges.  Everyday we wait, we hope for something, anything to come and just take us away, to change our lives, to simply wake us up. We will always wait because of this dam feeling that burns at the chest, a feeling that come from our very core, that sends shivers down the spine and makes our body, from our toes to our fingers, frail and limp- leaving this unbelievable, unreasonable breathlessness. Sometimes I cant breathe, sometimes I cant think. We wait and wait and wait. Though at the depths of our own conscience, we know we are waiting for nothing. What we want will never come. We know this ,so why do we do it? Why do we wait? Honestly...I think its the only thing thats keeping us alive, keeping me alive.  Waiting gives hope. I dont want to accept that this is it, that this is our lives. Its sad that I reject the present, but its how I cope. Maybe one day (hopefully soon), I will stop waiting and be happy. The day I can say "this is it, this is my life" with a smile, is when the waiting will end.  (As of today, I know my problem. I know why I will  never get what I want- because I want too much)   But this is what I wait for, something better.  I am not waiting for you. I held on to you because you were something good, so obviously good. I saw you as a way out of this hole,  a rope that swung heroically down from the endless sky above. That rope is gone now... and I dont think I am going to spend my days looking to the stars for its return. I am waiting for life...

Shit Happens

This is my second all time favorite saying/quote/life lesson. Its soo simple and easy to understand. Shit happens! Bad, unfortunate things are  a part of life. It is naive to believe that life is full of roses, butterflies, and fucking rainbows.  People are bound to run into trouble every once in awhile (some more than others). Its not about luck or karma or especially you. Never blame yourself for something that cant be avoided. Shit happens! You get into a car accident. Shit Happens! Girlfriend leaves you. Shit Happens!  Family problems. Shit happens! Love one passes away. Shit Happens... Its unfair, but thats life. Shit is going to happen. All you can do is wait for it to end, clean that shit up, flush it away, and carry on with your life.

Midnight Thought (Hidden in Empty Lots)

5a.m. 

so here i find myself again, very very late at night. I should sleep, but I figured it has been a whole week since I have said something soo... (oh yea, the title doesnt really mean anything, just thought it sounded interesting)

Brothers

I just want to note something very interesting. My brothers (both of them) have been extremely nice to me lately, especially the latter brother.  Usually, he keeps to himself and deals with matters that really only concerns him, but recently, he has gone out of his way to help me or do something for me, which is very... touching actually. We have never been close, so this is nice.  I'm not going to bother listing the several incidences of brotherly love because in any other circumstances, in any other persons life, it wouldnt be a big deal- its just in my eye that these things seem so superb.  I dont want to jinx anything (knock on wood, clench rabbits foot, secure my four leaf clover) , but things are starting to piece together for my family- slow, but steady. Maybe because they are getting older, or I am getting older, or cause... just cause. Ill settle for that.

Hmm... I thought I had more. I do... stay tuned.

late night/early morning

3 A.M...

Its three a.m. the day is gone and I dont know where it went. like most days, I did stuff, I drove places, and talked to people- regardless though, the entire day could be summed up in a variation of a few words. nothingness. boredom. unfulfilling. its just wasnt satisfying. I think my problem is I expect too much. I just invest sooo much hope into the weekends that when it comes, it disappoints. I just want to... enjoy, but I dont really know how anymore. Things just seem so bleh.

Obama-Nation

"Although it seems heaven sent, we ain't ready to see a black president."

-Tupac

So what do you know, Tupac was wrong. Obama-nation has begun. I am actually pretty excited about Obama and the following years. I am usually not very swayed by candidates or political mumbo jumbo, but I do have some faith in him and his affirmation of hope and change. We are living in an historic time period, one that will never be forgotten.  As citizens and proprietors of the future, its our obligation to forgo our indifference and act. I am really glad I voted! I can actually imagine(no), see(almost), feel(Yes) a better tomorrow, a better life, a better world. We can get there. Yes we can. Hope and Change =) 

Changes

"Thats just the way it is, things will never be the same."

(its pretty ironic and funny that Tupac can sing a song like "Changes" and then sing a song like "Hit 'em up." )

 

P.S.- It is an outrage that a bill like Prop 8 passed. I personally am indifferent to the lifestyles of others and really dont care what people do. I am against this Prop because I am a strong believer of rights. No matter what anyone says, discrimination is wrong.  People are people regardless of how they live.  Everyone deserves to be married.  Everyone.