Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Free Write (nonsense)
So i decided that I will have a free write session right now. I am just going to type whatever pops into my brain and not worry about the grammar and punctuation and those other mumble jumble. I know that this is going to sound very confusing and all, but I really dont feel like organizing it under any specific thing right now. I am not in the mood, so here it goes. Whats up? What has been up with me? Lately, as cliche as this sounds, nothing much. Its the god awful truth though. I havent been doing anything. I have taken on a guilty pleasure that I am not too proud of but find very amusing. I have started watching some....brace yourself....dont think less of me...i am not a nerd....anime. Yes I said it! But it just to buy time until I figure something out. Boy, now that is the biggest denial, nonsensical lie. Thats an interesting thing, doing something in the mean time until you figure things out- the act of creating a temporary situation. That is the reasoning people use when they find a temporary job for the mean time and find themselves 20 years later doing the same exact thing. Where am I going with this.... well its not the anime I am angry at... its the idea of doing something until I figure something out. I dont think I am really going to figure anything out. That is what I believe. All my friends are heading back to school soon and winter break hasnt been too great. I admit its been good and somewhat fun, but not really what any of us hoped for. I am not going to be able to figure something out before they leave. I am lazy. I hate it. I hate that age old statement. "Lets do something!" The only real response is "do what" and that is usually retorted back with "anything!"WHAT THE FUCK IS ANYTHING. Nothing seems appealing anymore. everyone wants to do something, but no one knows what. but i dont know why i am using the word "anymore." to be honest, we felt the same way every year of our lives. we just dont remember. we get too lost in the nostalgia to care. anyway i am heading on a tangent.... um. lets go back to the question. How am I? I want to say that I am in a slump, but after much much consideration, reminiscing, and reflecting, I figured out that I always feel this way. I am always bitching about women. I told kevin this. Taking into consideration that this is how I normally am, I must say I feel the normal. I think I should end this cause its turning rather complicated and jumbled, but hey this is a free write. i will probably work on a new years/2008 goodbye in bit, I just wanted to get the juices flowing.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Its Her Christmas
A New Addition
It sits in my living room, constantly getting in the way. People randomly bump and stumble past it. We have to adjust to its presence because the fact of its mere existence is an oddity here. At night, its glow keeps my brother up for hours on end. He sleeps a few feet away in a make-shift room with half high walls that unkindly shields nothing. Throughout the day, it sheds and sheds which forces my mom to periodically sweep its impolite droppings. Its green and fake. A shiny fakeness that could be seen without much consideration. We bought it for 16.99 at Target. It came with pre-hooked ornaments and bright red sashes. Its an interesting thing, its a different thing, its a beautiful thing. I love it.
Something, Something, Something
For the first time in my life, my family has a Christmas tree. A Christmas tree, almost like a white family (joking). James, Wilson, and I got a tree in Long Beach last year and that was great, but something about my family having one is nice. I always get this weird feeling this time of year. I feel like I should be doing something- something festive, something involving red and green, or candy canes, or snowmen or santa claus or... something. I never do though. There isnt much Christmas memories in the archive of my mind. The only one I really remember was this one year when I was either a 6th or 7th grader, my sister and I went to go eat at Olive Garden. It was just us and I wore this grey fuzzy sweater she had gotten for me from Old Navy. That morning, she had woken me up with a present in my face, wrapped with a bow. A present I relentlessly opened and gasped with a surprised awe, although I had knowingly helped her wrap it the day before. She had presents for everyone, she had Christmas for everyone. I remember that Christmas. Years before and after are lost in a blur. Well, there is one more. The first year we moved into our house, we put up Christmas lights that wrapped around the fence. It was simple white lights. My brothers put them up on a whim. Although they tried, it didnt turn out too well. Only half of them lit and the other half lazily sat there. Nonetheless, it was gorgeous. We didnt take those lights down when Christmas was over. We didnt even take it down the year after. To be honest, up until last week, those lights were still clinging to the fence, of course they stopped working years ago. The funny thing is I've lived in this house for about a decade now.
The Spot that Glows
On the rare occasions I leave my room and walk to the kitchen, I catch a glimpse of the tree from the hall way and I am taken in by the awe. Something about that spot that glows makes me feel good.
Daphny's Present
As I said, my family normally doesnt take part in this holiday, but this year and possibly every other year from now will be different. Yes, different a perfect word. Its no wonder why things are different, its all because of my beautifully gorgeous outspoken hyper-active super cute just turned 5 years young niece, DAPHNY. Sometime during last week, Daphny was at our house and playing in the living room. While she was playing, she turned to me and my sister and said
"we should get a chrismas tree"
My sister and I looked at each other, squinted and thought. We then said "sure." My sister loves to spoil her ,so it was a quick decision. To me, it wasnt just spoiling her, it was giving her a childhood, a good one at that. For Daphny, we would do anything and everything. Ever since she came into our lives in 2003, our lives have been brighter. Like the tree that sits in the living room, her presence illuminates our house. Although she wasnt planned, I would never call her an accident. Her existence is a gift to us, a present to my family. Hope and Love delicately wrapped in the same bundle. She gives her dad, my eldest brother, a reason to live and to be a better person. She gives my sister a reason to come home, a reason to stay near. She gives my dad youth. They play and play and he makes his silly faces and noises. She gives my mom someone to worry about again, to simply baby (besides me). And me, she gives me a smile each and every time I see her. And for my family as a whole, she gives us an adorable cutie that we can smother with kisses, hugs, love, care, and goodness. This year, under her wishes, our family bought a tree. Although its the first time my family has a tree, its not actually ours. Its her tree and... its her Christmas. We wanted to give her something to remember. Years from now, I want to be able to say, "hey daphny, remember that one Christmas..." and her to respond "yea, it was almost as good as that other year..." The tree lights up our living room, but she lights up our lives.
This year, this time, things will be interesting.
(pictures coming soon)
It sits in my living room, constantly getting in the way. People randomly bump and stumble past it. We have to adjust to its presence because the fact of its mere existence is an oddity here. At night, its glow keeps my brother up for hours on end. He sleeps a few feet away in a make-shift room with half high walls that unkindly shields nothing. Throughout the day, it sheds and sheds which forces my mom to periodically sweep its impolite droppings. Its green and fake. A shiny fakeness that could be seen without much consideration. We bought it for 16.99 at Target. It came with pre-hooked ornaments and bright red sashes. Its an interesting thing, its a different thing, its a beautiful thing. I love it.
Something, Something, Something
For the first time in my life, my family has a Christmas tree. A Christmas tree, almost like a white family (joking). James, Wilson, and I got a tree in Long Beach last year and that was great, but something about my family having one is nice. I always get this weird feeling this time of year. I feel like I should be doing something- something festive, something involving red and green, or candy canes, or snowmen or santa claus or... something. I never do though. There isnt much Christmas memories in the archive of my mind. The only one I really remember was this one year when I was either a 6th or 7th grader, my sister and I went to go eat at Olive Garden. It was just us and I wore this grey fuzzy sweater she had gotten for me from Old Navy. That morning, she had woken me up with a present in my face, wrapped with a bow. A present I relentlessly opened and gasped with a surprised awe, although I had knowingly helped her wrap it the day before. She had presents for everyone, she had Christmas for everyone. I remember that Christmas. Years before and after are lost in a blur. Well, there is one more. The first year we moved into our house, we put up Christmas lights that wrapped around the fence. It was simple white lights. My brothers put them up on a whim. Although they tried, it didnt turn out too well. Only half of them lit and the other half lazily sat there. Nonetheless, it was gorgeous. We didnt take those lights down when Christmas was over. We didnt even take it down the year after. To be honest, up until last week, those lights were still clinging to the fence, of course they stopped working years ago. The funny thing is I've lived in this house for about a decade now.
The Spot that Glows
On the rare occasions I leave my room and walk to the kitchen, I catch a glimpse of the tree from the hall way and I am taken in by the awe. Something about that spot that glows makes me feel good.
Daphny's Present
As I said, my family normally doesnt take part in this holiday, but this year and possibly every other year from now will be different. Yes, different a perfect word. Its no wonder why things are different, its all because of my beautifully gorgeous outspoken hyper-active super cute just turned 5 years young niece, DAPHNY. Sometime during last week, Daphny was at our house and playing in the living room. While she was playing, she turned to me and my sister and said
"we should get a chrismas tree"
My sister and I looked at each other, squinted and thought. We then said "sure." My sister loves to spoil her ,so it was a quick decision. To me, it wasnt just spoiling her, it was giving her a childhood, a good one at that. For Daphny, we would do anything and everything. Ever since she came into our lives in 2003, our lives have been brighter. Like the tree that sits in the living room, her presence illuminates our house. Although she wasnt planned, I would never call her an accident. Her existence is a gift to us, a present to my family. Hope and Love delicately wrapped in the same bundle. She gives her dad, my eldest brother, a reason to live and to be a better person. She gives my sister a reason to come home, a reason to stay near. She gives my dad youth. They play and play and he makes his silly faces and noises. She gives my mom someone to worry about again, to simply baby (besides me). And me, she gives me a smile each and every time I see her. And for my family as a whole, she gives us an adorable cutie that we can smother with kisses, hugs, love, care, and goodness. This year, under her wishes, our family bought a tree. Although its the first time my family has a tree, its not actually ours. Its her tree and... its her Christmas. We wanted to give her something to remember. Years from now, I want to be able to say, "hey daphny, remember that one Christmas..." and her to respond "yea, it was almost as good as that other year..." The tree lights up our living room, but she lights up our lives.
This year, this time, things will be interesting.
(pictures coming soon)
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