Sit. Think. Reflect.

I do this all too often. I get this surge of inspiration that motivates me to write and post and repeat... but then suddenly, out of the blue, I just stop. I stop posting, I stop writing, and the energy-surge in me just dies. I did this with my xanga and I am doing this now. Usually, I would apologize and state a new determination to make amends with my blogs, but this time I will skip that whole charade and just do. Although I am not going to apologize, I will explain. Everyday, I want to write. I want to write because I have something to say and because there are thoughts that are constantly running around in circles inside my little brain that want to be set free from its tracks. I guess the determination was there. The problem was that although I want to free these thoughts, I can't. I am scared of being too honest. I am scared of telling too much. That entirely goes against my idea of speaking raw and real, but sometimes I cant help it. I dont want to be left vulnerable. That is a problem. Until I can deal with that, I will never be able to write the way I want. Until I become fearless... In my writings, I avoid a head on course and I just side step everything. I allude and briefly touch the surface, but I never grab the horns. I need to remember "never avert your eyes."

Well, also... I dont want to hurt anyones feelings...

Hmmm... I have unconsciously did what I said i wasn't going to do. From the point I am heading too, it seems like I am apologizing and about to set upon a new road of change. No. Lets just say I am sitting in my little black chair right now, thinking about my life, and reflecting.